So that you wish to break into Hollywood? It’s not a walled metropolis—simply stroll proper in! Ha ha. However, critically, when you observe this recommendation, making it within the leisure trade is as simple as paying for faculty. Talking of, have you ever tried happening to the native faculty and looking out on the job boards?

If you wish to be a comedy author, you’ve received to fax in jokes to “S.N.L.” and the late-night speak reveals. Don’t personal a fax machine? Purchase one, ASAP. Greatest buy you’ll ever make.

Get an entry-level P.A. job occurring espresso runs and the like. When the boss orders a small black espresso, get him ten larges. He’ll keep in mind the way you went above and past. Simply so you recognize, I’m utilizing male pronouns in your hypothetical boss as a result of that’s simply how the world is, O.Ok.? I don’t make the principles.

I virtually forgot—today, schooling is important. Have you considered going to Harvard? Freshman fall, be part of the “Lampoon.” Meet your finest mates for all times there, whereas ready in line for the lavatory. Simply kidding! There’d by no means be a line for the boys’s room. It’s that type of humor the seniors will keep in mind in a number of years once they’re showrunning “Taxi.”

Don’t hassle attempting to get an agent. Right here’s what you do: go to a pleasant indoor shopping center in Florida (exterior Jacksonville is nice, however Pensacola works, too) with a beautiful little one who has nice diction. Hang around for a number of hours, and an agent will discover you.

Everybody will inform you to maneuver to L.A. or New York. What you actually ought to do is transfer into an OfficeMax. Put some packing peanuts on high of a copier and—bam!—you’ve received your self a mattress that prints résumés.

However when you’re in L.A. and also you see a man with a pleasant automobile, provide to clean it. You by no means know who you may meet. That automobile could possibly be Marty Scorsese.

Write a script that will get everybody speaking. Like a spec script of “Pals” starring a brand new visitor character you’d play who dates Rachel. Ship it to Jen Aniston. It may not be proper for them to supply this season, however they’ll hold you in thoughts and rent you to write down a contract episode of “Joey.”

Study concerning the trade—take the Warner Bros. studio tour. Loudly point out “I’ve received an incredible tackle ‘Batman’ ” to nobody particularly. Mr. Warner himself could possibly be strolling by.

Keep in mind that fax machine you purchased? It additionally works as a phone! Use it to cold-call Ronnie Howard and inform him how a lot you liked “The Princess Bride.” He didn’t make that film, however he’ll find out about it. Pitch your concepts for the way it may’ve been higher. He’ll be impressed by your guts and rent you on the spot.

Understand that this trade may be aggravating. Deal with your self to a pleasant dinner at Dan Tana’s, and go away copies of your résumé contained in the menus.

O.Ok., this one’s a bit unorthodox, however splurge on that aircraft ticket to attend your grandmother’s new boyfriend’s stepson’s marriage ceremony. And presto—what are you aware? You’re leaving with a renewed religion in love and a job working for Stan Kubrick.

Don’t signal something earlier than you speak to a lawyer. Remind me later, and I’ll get you my man’s information. He’s improbable—he did all of Liz Taylor’s divorces.

If none of that works—I don’t know, make a viral YouTube video or one thing.

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